Murphy visited me last night for one last hurrah before my husband came home. Murphy started off gently last week with a slug and a noisy frog. That was nothing compared to what happened last night; my first night home in 6 days.
It was bedtime and Christopher was headed to the kitchen to get us ice cream sandwiches. I was in the bathroom and heard, "MOM! COME QUICK! IT'S HUGE. HURRRYYY!" I said, "What what WHAT!?"
Now I'm like DUH, what else could it have been. I was in summertime it can't be denial.
Running into the living room he's pointing toward the ceiling at our gross GINORMOUS visitor. Call it as delicately as you like: Palmetto Bug, Water bug, Roach... It was a GIANT FLYING COCKROACH.
Really Murphy!? I grimaced, holding back the words I wanted to spew from my lips.
I said to Christopher, "I'm not going to deal with this tonight. It's too high up." To myself, there is no way I am fighting that thing. Whyyyyah!
I said, "Here's what we are going to do" as I proceeded to get a towel from the hall closet while not freaking out. I said, "Since we have an exterminator, I guarantee you it will be dead in the morning."
So I stuffed the towel under the door thinking that'll do it.
I should have known better. I have lived in Florida where I've seen giant roaches perform magic tricks. That thing watched us pass through the living room with ice cream sandwiches and then made his MacGyver move.
We were all done when Christopher went into his bathroom and cried, "MOM! MOM!! It's in here!" I jumped up, peeked in and closed the door. I looked at the towel that didn't work before and moved it to the bathroom door. Then I said to myself, I'm going to have to handle this tonight. CRAP! So I got mad. Desperate measures call for anger as a weapon.
I told Christopher to get the vacuum cleaner and I marched into the kitchen to get the broom. I opened the bathroom door and we watched it fly from one wall to another. Oh the horror going on inside my body, the words I could not say out loud, the brave face I had to put on. THIS WAS WAR!!! Mama Bear in FULL EFFECT!
Cue the Rocky theme song.
That thing came struttin' out of the bathroom with no fear like this was his place. He was saying, "Where the ice cream sandwiches be at yo?" And I whacked him! I whacked him and whacked him and whacked him and whacked him. AND WHACKED HIM one more time saying, "Take that you filthy animal."
I was spent. Though our bones were rattling and the exasperated Christopher was near tears, I had to give him a job to do. If he was a girl this would have been a totally different scene. I imagine we would have both been crying buckets because I sure wanted to.
I wasn't so mean to ask him to get it with paper towels and flush it. I headed off to the kitchen saying, "Okay now you suck it up with the vacuum cleaner." If I'm honest here, I was scared to suck it up. I was through.
So Christopher took care of that, I pulled the vacuum cleaner to the laundry room and that's where it still sits.
So here's the funny thing.... an 8 year old Christopherism in full effect...
After we said our prayers last night which included a prayer covering to keep all bugs out, Christopher said,
"We definitely need the terminator to come tomorrow."